Dark Ace's Wild West Dream Adventure
by purpleunity321
Summary: CRACK WITH PLOT. Dark Ace dreams of the wild west...and Aerrow... Full warning inside, MALExMALE, slight violence and lang, CROSS-DRESSING, OC APPEARANCE. R&R No flames please. Rated M for allusion of sex. and bad one-liners.


It's Crack. Really, that's all it is. There's violence, guns, alcohol, MALExMALE, somewhat of a plot, OC appearance, mentions of sex, language, the Wild West, cross-dressing, weird dreams, and OOC. Lots of it. Gobs of it. Tons of it.

I don't own Storm Hawks (Nerd Corps own them). If I do, Dark Ace wouldn't of died and it wouldn't of been a kiddie show (wink wink).

...It has a plot, but it's lost in the crack and OOC of this bizarre story. Really, I thought it would be fun to write about what would happen if Dark Ace dreamt he was in the Wild West and...this happened.

No likey, back clicky.

Enjoy. And YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

* * *

"-AND DON'T LET ANYONE DISTURB ME UNDERSTAND?" snarled Dark Ace to a sentry as he stalked to his bedroom. The sentry, fresh out of Talon Academy, saluted with understanding and fear. Mostly the fear part though.

Dark Ace slammed his bedroom door, ripping off the dirty uniform as he went, not caring where it went. He threw his head crown off, not really caring if it got bent or scratched; it was made of tough material, so what? He collapsed onto the king-sized bed and burrowed himself under the black and red covers reviewing today's events in his mind:

-Fight with the Storm Hawks.

-That girl-Pipette? Pip? Piper? Yeah, that was her name, Piper- shrieking in his ear, causing a migraine.

-Not being able to stare at Aerrow

-Not being able to inconspicuously molest Aerrow

-Not being able to fight with Aerrow because of Piper.

-Not being able to even go _near_ him because of said girl.

-Having his ass handed to him on a silver plate-again.

-Being painfully reminded of - don't think about it, you nitwit. His thoughts growled at him.

Dark Ace let out a sigh, closed his tired eyes, and finally slipped into darkness.

* * *

'_Where am I?_' came the groggy thought that went though his brain. The air felt dryer, more dusty, and smelled like…the backside of a horse? Dark Ace blearily opened his eyes, wincing as the glare of light hit the poor things. He raised a hand to block out the sun-

Wait.

Cyclonia doesn't get sun.

Jolting awake, he found himself sitting on a dry ditch in…well; it was dirty and brown town. Wooden shops, dusty dirt roads that had stagecoaches in it. He was certainly not in Cyclonia anymore.

Actually, he didn't _where_ he was. Or why he was doing here.

…This better not be Ravess idea of a-

"Well howdy stranger."

Dark Ace turned to see an all-way-too-familiar blonde wear cowboy boots, jeans, and a long-sleeved blue-collar shirt. A leather vest was on top of the shirt. And a brown cowboy hat was perched on his head. He waved to Dark Ace with a tanned leather gloved hand.

"I said 'Howdy' stranger. What's tha' matter? Thieves rustled your tongue?" He laughed loudly at his own lame joke. Dark Ace just stared at him, mouth opening and closing in shock. Finally he got his voice.

"Who-…Where…exactly am I?" he asked, cautiously. The man smiled, obviously not scared of him.

"Why this is the town of Condor, one the finest trade boomtowns in the Wild West. I'm Finnegan J. B. Stalk, but you can call me Finn. I'm the Deputy," he replied, showing off the Golden Star pinned on his vest. "Sheriff Starling has gone out for a while." Dark Ace stared at it, trying to process everything.

How-?

When-?

_Why-?_

…The hell!! Dark Ace shook his head, trying to gain order in his thoughts. Deputy Finn looked at him strangely.

"…You okay stranger?" he asked concerned. Dark Ace nodded.

"Fine. Just…need something to drink. Bad," he replied, the urge to get drunk rising up. The deputy grinned widely.

"Well I know jus the place! C'mon stranger, I'll mosey you over to the saloon," he said, waving a hand for Dark Ace to follow him and walking away. Shaking his head, he sat up, wiping the dust from his…black…jeans?! He stared in horror at his ensemble: black jeans, a long sleeved shirt like Finn's but red with a black trim, black cowboy boots with silver spurs, and black leather gloves. He stared at himself, not processing.

"Well? Aren't ya coming on over?" Finn's grinning voice shouted.

Dark Ace shook his head from confusing thoughts and numbly followed.

* * *

Inside the saloon, it was smoky and dimly lit. A bunch of dusty men in similar ensemble as him and Finn were drink huge mugs of beer around creaky tables. Finn sat down around the bar. He banged a fist on the counter top. "Hey! Stork! Two beers!" He chuckled to Ace: "Sean Thomas Oliver Rove-King is his full name, but we call him Stork, see?"

The Merb was wearing an old-fashioned stained account's uniform, complete with the pince-nez and visor.

"Cause he looks like one!" the deputy smiled foolishly. Stork snorted. "Please excuse the deputy; he's the town idiot," the Merb replied dully, sliding a foaming beaker to the Dark Ace. He looked at him, puzzled.

"So how did he got to be deputy?" Stork snorted.

"Even though he's a fool, he is incredibly lucky; we had a raffle to see who would be deputy and this moron won," explained Stork, sticking his thumb to the blonde, who was enthusiastically gulping down his drink. He sighed and took a sip of his.

* * *

Soon enough, Dark Ace was pleasantly buzzed. He stared lazily at the door. He was on his fourth and Finn was on his sixth.

"Yes sir…this is the life…"

Hullo, a stranger is at the door. Dark Ace though sluggishly, smiling like a fool. Hiya stranger-HELLO. He sat up straight, eyes wide.

"Yessir, there aint nothing more fine than a-"

"Who is that?" Dark Ace interrupted, staring at the stranger.

Fiery red hair cut short (for a woman) contrasted beautifully with the emerald flamenco dress and comparing nicely with the beauty of green eyes that twinkled straight at the Dark Ace. The girl's features were hidden mostly behind a black lace fan. Finn's voice continued on, softer:

"Well that's Aerrow, the town's finest male. Prettier than a cactus flower, and as wild as one too. Some say that he's represents the Wild West himself-

"Wait; Male? Himself? _He?_ You mean that…that person is a _boy_?" Dark Ace asked, bewildered and snapped out of his trance. Stork snorted.

"Yep; he's also one of the town's "entertainer"; but don't go and try and bed him, cause he's classy. Real classy," Finn took a sip out of his drink. "Some people say that he never ever went all the way. That he only give you what you really deserve." He took a long sip, staring off into space.

"What he's trying to say is that he never even got up the skirt," the Merb replied sullenly. Finn spluttered his drink across the floor (and some on Ace). "YA DIDN'T HAVE TO SAY THAT!" snarled Finn. The Merb raised an eyebrow and smiled evilly. "Oh, but everyone knows that Finn, isn't that right Aerrow?"

"Yes sir," came a clear voice from behind. The whirled around to see twinkling emerald eyes staring at them from behind a black lace fan. "Stork, I'll have my usual," Aerrow murmured to the bartender. Stork gave a sharp nod. "You're usual, comin' right up," he said, handing a foaming beaker lightly scented cinnamon. Aerrow took it. "Thank you Stork," he replied gratefully, going to take a sip.

"MISS AERROW!!" cried a piping voice and a fancily dressed girl appeared in the doorway. Dark Ace spit out his drink. It was that Piper girl! _'Hell, __**she's**__ here also?' _scowled the Dark Ace, glaring at her. She was wearing a short-sleeved, low cut navy blue dress, with gold trim at the end. Lifting her hem up daintily, she showed that she wore navy slippers of the same color. A gold necklace was around her neck, and that was only accessory. Aerrow sighed. "Oh, Drat," he murmured "She found me."

"Miss Aerrow Skias, I've been lookin for you everywhere!" cried the girl.

"Piper-"

"Don't you 'Piper' me!"

"That's Pipette Reynolds, Aerrow's handmaid, but folks around here call her Piper, as that fact that she's always _Piping up_ at the wrong moment," Finn explained lowly to the Dark Ace, watching Aerrow and Piper argue.

"You could have any drink in the world-"

"-I just wanted to step out a bit!-"

"-And you decided to come _here_-"

"-Stork serves the best Cinnamon Rum in the whole entire town, hell the only place that sells alcohol is Stork's Saloon! You know that!" Aerrow explained, frustration on his face. Piper didn't notice

"-_Here_! Here of all places! Do you know how many men would _kill_ to have you, Miz Aerrow?" her voice dropped into a low whisper. "_Do you_?" Aerrow sighed and began to protest that yes, he knew, but the girl was on a rampage.

"Why does she call Aerrow 'Miss Aerrow'?" whispered Dark Ace.

"It's because Aerrow's an entertainer, and men usually want ladies for that, right? It's just a good thing that he works the outfit so well," Stork explained in a whisper, eyes never taking off the two.

Bang, went the doors.

"MISS AERROW! MISS PIPER!" came a shriek of joy. A brown and orangish blur attached itself to Aerrow, causing him to fall over.

"ARID!!!" cried Aerrow, hugging the little brown blur. Piper squawked and went silent, pouting. Dark Ace stared.

Dirty tan face showed bright brown eyes that were partly hidden under straight natural orange bangs. Hair in a messy ponytail, Arid had on dusty brown pants, vest, and boots, a dirty long-sleeved cream-colored undershirt, and a brown bandanna around the neck. A jade locket shaped like a star was underneath the bandanna, gleaming. Arid was a girl, albeit a young and dusty one.

'_No way…'_ thought Dark Ace, paling slightly.

"Why Aridrinna of Tecka Town! Let me take a good look at you!" smiled Aerrow, glancing up and down at the young girl. She looked to be about 10. "Why you've grown, hadn't you?"

"Yep!" she giggled, smiling at the red-haired boy. "And I've been workin' see?" she rolled up her sleeve and flexed her muscles. Aerrow nodded appreciatively.

"My! Soon you're going to see me in my office, aren't ya?" he winked. Aridrinna giggled.

"You know I don't like you like that!" she protested, giggling. Aerrow mocked pouted.

"Why Arid Arid Ari! I can't believe you! Turn down a person like me so bluntly? I'm heart-stricken!" Aerrow was hamming his up; rolling his eyes up to the heaven, sighing like a furnace, frowning and waving hysterically. Aridrinna began to outright laugh. It was funny, mused the Talon, relaxing back. Aerrow was laughing, Finn was laughing (though he was drunk and stupid, so of course he would laugh), Stork was smiling (he never saw the Merb laugh before, Ace realized) and Piper was looking mad, which made Dark Ace smile. He looked lazily over the scene. Yep, this was all right…maybe he won't kill Ravess.

BANG.

'_I thought too soon,'_ mentally groaned Dark Ace, taking a peek of what was in the doorway.

"Everybody put yer hands up and yer money down on the tables!" growled a familiar voice. Two shadowy figures, one bulky, the other lean, walked into the saloon, the doors swinging.

"Oh My God It's The Dangerous Duo Siblings, Raving Ravess and Sniping Snipe!" cried out a voice from a table. A shot was heard and then a gurgle, with the thud of a corpse completing the melody. Dark Ace watched the figures in a mixture of Horror, Amazement and Amusement.

'_Good Gracious…it's…Ravess and Snipe in Western Gear!'_ Indeed, the siblings looked every inch of the Bad Guys. Black Shiny Leather chaps with blood red pants on both of them, black boots with spurs, sliver on Snipe and gold on Ravess. Snipe's dark purple and black fringe shirt was stretched tautly over the hulking figure's chest. Ravess, on the other hand, had a dark fuchsia cowboy shirt on with gold and black fringe. Both were wearing black cowboy hats.

"Where's your whore in this town?" drawled Ravess golden eyes crawling lazily through the crowd, silencing the murmurs of protest of calling Miss Aerrow a 'whore.' Dark Ace watched as Aerrow pushed Arid behind his dress and stood up, face determined.

"That'll be I," he calmly said, staring straight at the two goons. The siblings chuckled evilly, circling Aerrow with calm, paced steps.

"Say, what's this thingy?" Snipe dragged out a protesting Aridrinna. "Lemme go! Lemme go!" she squeaked. Snipe chuckled. "Hey Ravess, looks like we be eatin' mighty fine tonight…" He gave the girl a leer. "So what's yer name sonny?"

"Lemme go! Lemme go! I'm a girl you yellow-bellied, snarl-toothed, ass-looking sassafras!" abruptly she stopped moving, paling in realization of what she'd just said to Snipe.

"Ya hear that Ravess?" the man growled, twisting Arid's arm and lifting her up, ignoring the cries. "Ya hear what this munchkin call me? Oh, I was going to just kill ya, but I think…" A truly evil look came upon his face. "…That killing ya will be too good for ya…"

"Leave her alone!" shouted Aerrow, rushing to Snipe and snatching Arid away, glaring at the menace. "She's no part of this!"

"No part of this?' Honey, she mostly the reason why where here," drawled Ravess, lazily going up near Aerrow.

"What do you mean?" he asked shakily.

"I mean this little…lady…is big bucks to Cyclone Cyclonis," replied Ravess, snatching Arid away. "So…Snipe, grab him," she barked, carrying a squirming, protesting Arid away to bring to Cyclone Cyclonis. "We're leaving."

"Hur, Hur, Yer coming with me, missie," leered Snipe, flexing his fingers toward the redhead. "Hur. Hur. Yer skin looks like milk, wonder if it tastes like it too."

Snipe never got the chance.

* * *

Two noises rang through the citadel. Master Cyclonis looked up from the experiment she was working on, to get inside people's dreams and manipulated them for her own amusement. She frowned.

"That sounded like it was from Dark's room," she said more to herself than to the guards. "Got get Ravess for me."

"Yes Master," the guard intoned, and went off.

"Yes Master?" Ravess replied, bowing to the leader of the Cyclonia.

"Go and check on Dark Ace." Ravess frowned.

"But, Master, wouldn't be easier for a guard to-"

"I said go and check on him Ravess," Master Cyclonis replied, voice light and tense. Ravess winced, realizing she stepped out of line. She bowed lower.

"Of course Master."

* * *

Dark Ace had his arm protectively over Aerrow, glaring angrily at the two bodies.

"Shouldn't of done that," he growled, stuffing his smoking gun into its holster. "Are you alright?" he asked, gently helping a slightly shaken Aerrow up.

"Fine…for the most part…" he replied, pale. "Thank you," he said softly, looking into his eyes. Dark Ace swallowed. Those beautiful emerald eyes…those peach-color lips…that ruby-red hair…

"What's all the racket about?" came an unfamiliar voice and a figurine stepped in.

"Don't!" shouted Aerrow to Dark Ace, who was raising his gun out again. "That's Sheriff Starling!"

Indeed, the last of the Interceptors was looking just like the good Sheriff, down to the pristine white chaps and hat and the light violet colored shirt and Silver Star pinned to her white vest.

"This man saved us all!" declared a person.

"He's a hero!"

"Someone deputize him and get rid of this drunkard!"

"Hey!" protested Finn as they grabbed him and ripped out the Star. The trio of people went to the Sheriff, placing the star in her white-gloved hand.

"Well, looks like the people have spoken," she chuckled, walking over to him. "I say, mister, what's your name."

"…Ace. Just Ace."

"Well, it's now Deputy Ace, if you don't mind. After all, you took better care of this town, what with shooting two of the most dangerous people in the Wild West, than Finn did," she grinned, pinning the Star to his lapel. He just stood there, wondering what the hell is going on and what did he drank last night.

"Three cheers for Deputy Ace!" shouted Starling ."Hip-Hip!"

"HORRAY!"

"Hip-Hip!"

"HORRAY!"

"Hip-Hip!"

"HORRAY!! YAY!," shouted the people of the town. The Mayor –looking eerily like that Wallop- came forth to Dark Ace.

"Deputy Ace, on behalf of this town, we grant you anything of ours to be yours, anything at all," the Wallop smiled wisely. "Anything at all."

"…Aerrow. I want Miss Aerrow," he bluntly replied after a while. He walked over to the entertainer, murmurs of protest falling flat on his ears as he gripped the boy close to his chest. Aerrow blushed angrily at him.

"Now wait just a darned minute-"

"No." And with that, he kissed him passionately, like he would of done to the Sky Knight Aerrow today if that little evil bitch Piper didn't get in his way. But this was good enough. Cross-dressing Aerrow tasted like wine and spice and ripe peaches. Ending the kiss, he looked into the now-dazed cross-dressing man, and decided he liked the redhead in women's clothing.

"I love you. Ever since we just met at that bar. You're beautiful than all the beauty in the world combine and I just want to be with you." He wondered when he started to sound like a cheesy romance book. "Will you stay by my side, my wild, wonderful, western beauty?" Really, why is he _saying_ this?

"…Yes," the boy's lips curled into a smile. "Yes I will, Deputy Ace."

"This calls for a celebration!" shouted the Mayor, throwing his arms up in the air and shaking his hands.

"YAAY!!" shouted the townsfolk of Condor. Everything was quickly forgotten as people started to dance and drink in the street.

"Why don't we…go up to my 'office' and continue this?" smirked Aerrow, eyes glittering lustfully.

"I think that's a _splendid_ idea," the man smirked back, eyes holding desire.

And, with the townspeople not caring, they left to continue their "business."

* * *

"Stupid, idiot, asshole, bastard. Outta teach him a lesson, gotta stop messing things and shit-" Ravess grumbled under her breath, pissed out of her mind at the Dark Ace and his petty mind games.

"U-Um…M-Miss-"

"OUTTA MY WAY TWERP," she snarled, slamming the door open and stalking in, nearly breaking the hinges off when she closed it.

The first thing she noticed was the dirty, abandoned clothing. Then his headgear left sadly on the floor. Trailing up to two broken vases and Dark Ace buried under the covers. _'Well now I know what those noises were…'_ she thought grimly, turning to leave. Every thought froze when she heard a low moan then, in a voice that sounded like it was from a bad Western:

"Keep those Legs Up to the Sky, Miz Aerrie. Gotta see yer 'gun' is packin…" he growled, and she heard a rustling noise, meaning that he was burying deeper into the covers.

…What…

…Huh…

…_**Aerrie?!**_

"…" Ravess felt her body tense, her face twist up in mute horror of what he just said. Oh My God…That was too much, too much, for Ravess to know about him for a lifetime. She shuddered violently. Oh the humanity. And worse, she knew exactly who "Miz Aerrie" was. Oh dear lord.

"Miss…?" timidly asked the guard, worried of how Ravess' face was pale and had a greenish tint to it. She paid him no mind, walking away in a daze to her room, where she could pass out peacefully.

* * *

"…!" Aerrow jumped into the air, in the middle of a report with Piper.

"What's wrong?" she asked immediately concerned. Aerrow shuddered.

"Nothing, it's just…I got this feeling…" he scratched the back of his neck. "It's nothing, really."

"Whatever you say," she said, going back to the report.

Aerrow wondered why he felt like he was being violated at the moment.

* * *

...XD I don't know why I wrote this. Ravess' freaking out about what Dark Ace said is too funny and what Dark Ace said is even funnier.

FYI: I actually like Piper. I just feel that if Dark Ace liked Aerrow, than he would hate Piper with a vengence and would want to rip her throat out. Plus she _is_ kinda naggy. XP

Review if you wish (No Flames; I warned you this was mostly crack and if you didn't heed my warning, too bad.). Bye.


End file.
